I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
did you just send me my own nude
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
