Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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