I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
