I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
