There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
