dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
