remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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