some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wow bdsm is so cute
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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