question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
