I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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