He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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