I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
