I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
