got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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