I have demons in me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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