I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
