i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
