And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
