There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
