Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
