Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
