i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
