your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
