after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
