I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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