Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
