I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
