She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
