if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
