Pappa wants mamma naked
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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