her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
