If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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