So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
