I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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