woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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