i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
