You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
