i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
