I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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