I can't watch pbs sober anymore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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