I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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