Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
