she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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