Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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