I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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