if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
