life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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