why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
