honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
