I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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