As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
