Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
