Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
