so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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