I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
