so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
