Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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