How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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