im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
